If You Give Captain Jack Sparrow an Mp3 Player
by Ghostwritergirl
Summary: Basicly it is what happen when The People from Pirates got ahold om my mp3 player


Captain Jack sat casually in my room one sunny after noon. for some unknown reason. He came upon my MP3 player, screen lit up scrolling by itself through my songs (my Mp3 player has a mind of its own) Jack was confused, he had never seen anything like it before. But, he did recognize the ear plugs and carefully put them in his ears unsure of what to do next. There was this sideways triangle that looked promising. He pressed it.

"YOUR GONNA BE POPULAR!" the Mp3 blared and Jack cringed.

What was this device used for? Torture?

He pressed a random button and was relived when the Mp3 when momentarily silent, then he heard a strange noise omitting from the machine. What was it doing?

"Good Night My Someone good night my love sweet dreams my some " the contraption commanded, Jack paused, unsure of who was the some one was. He pressed the same button that had changed the song again.

"Yo Ho Yo ho a pirates life for me" it began in hushed tones.

Jack understood now, this…this…thing was used for musical entertainment! How… strange. Jack listened calmly to his song until it was finished, dreading what was next.

"GOOOOOOOOOOD NEEEEEEWWWWWWWS" the MP3 shrilled.

Jack waited to hear the good news.

"SHE'S DEAD!" the MP3 declared.

Who was dead? He thought.

"THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!"

Who was the witch of the west?

"THE WICKEDEST WITCH THERE EVER WAS!"

What?

"THE ENEMY OF ALL OF US HERE IN OZ!"

Oz? Where is that in The Caribbean?

"IS DEAD! GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!"

He already knew that! He pressed the button that had changed the songs before.

It started innocently enough with the sound of clapping then what appeared to be a sweet voice came on quietly with a little static "

Jack found that insulting but waited for her too go on...Suddenly the music grew loud, Jack tried to change the song but it wasn't working!

"A KISS ON THE HAND MAY BE QUITE CONTINETAL BUT DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND!" the voice shouted.

Jack wrestled with the machine until it changed songs.

"Thank God" he muttered as he waited for the oncoming torture.

It was quiet, Jack barely caught the words.

"Pop. Six. Swish. Uh-uh. Cicero. Lipshitz."

Jack didn't wait for it to go on, he changed the song.

"No one mourns the wicked" the thing whispered.

Jack sighed, not this song again. But it was different it was whispered this time.

"Now at last she's dead and gone, now at last there's joy throughout the land."

Hmm, this wasn't that bad there was even pretty music in-

"GOOD NEWS!" screamed the iPod, Jack jumped.

"Good news" it whispered.

Suddenly a female voice came on.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But, because I knew you."

Jack swore he heard two people say 'because I knew you'

"Because I knew you" the original female repeated.

Two voices came on as one, "I have been changed."

"NO ONE MOURNS THE…"

The evil mob was back, Jack cursed.

"WICKED, WICKED, WICKED!"

Jack relaxed, the song was over but then the evil contraption changed songs. **By itself!**

, Jack raised an eyebrow. The voice whispered something Jack couldn't make out. There was a whole verse before the words became understandable.

"All I want is a room somewhere far away from the cold night air warm hands warm feet of would did it be lovely?"

Then another voice came on and sang and muttered something. Jack decided he had quite enough of that song. He changed it. And recognized it. The first song!

"When ever I see someone less fortunate then I" the voice said coolly.

NO, NO!

"And let's face it who isn't, less fortunate then I?" the voice said sweetly, but Jack heard the evilness behind it ( I have a good looking face) he thought.

He couldn't change the damn song!

"My tender heart tends to start to bleed!"

Tender heart indeed! It was agonizing!

"Liar, liar!" Jack shouted at the thing in his grasp.

"And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over I know, I know! Exactly what they need!" the voice declared.

Jack slammed the device down but the voice only got louder.

"AND EVEN IN YOUR CASE, THOUGH IT'S THE TOUGHEST CASE I'VE YET TO FACE!"

Jack passed out cold, never once attempting to take out the ear plugs and end his torment. It was not until later that night I found him rocking back and forth and occasionally twitching muttering "popular I'm going to be pop-U-ler."

**Who will the MP3 get next?**

**The MP3returns for Will**

Will strolled into my room, holding a bottle of rum. He threw himself upon my bed and giggled like the little girl he when he is drunk is. Suddenly, something lit up. It was…my MP3 player.

"Ohhh" cooed Will, picking up the device and immediately putting the ear plugs in his ear.

The devil's contraption scrolled through the long list of songs, picking its torture device.

"No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears…" sang some masculine voice.

Will wrinkled his nose is disgust whoever sung that song must be a totally fop. He pounded on the device hoping it would stop. The Mp obeyed his poundings and scrolled once again.

Suddenly, loud music made Willl squeal like a girl and jump.

"FIYERO!" cried some female from the Mp3.

Will l was genuinely confused.

"I am not Fiyero" he muttered to the Mp3, giving it a little shake, "I am Will"

"Eleka nahmen nahmen Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen Eleka nahmen nahmen Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen!" cried the women in distress.

Will was frightened of women with issues so he threw the Mp3 in the air, letting it crash to the ground.

The device was silent for a moment, as if pondering what torture to come up with next.

"When ever I see some one less fortunate than and lets face it who isn't less fortunate than I my tender heart tends to stop and bleed and when some one needs a make over I simply

Will hopped up and jumped up and down on the bed screaming "Kristin, Kristin !" along with the Mp3.

"You will be popular your going to be popular I 'l! teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys.

The iPod was not satisfied, Will was happy and that was not its aim its aim was to instill false hope then crush it! So it bided its time as Will sang off key with dear Kristin.

The song ended, Will l fell on his back giggling (he happens to do this a lot). The device launched its master plan.

"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye" sang the Mp3, Will wrinkled his nose in disgust, what wench sang this hideous song?

He tried beating up the Mp3 to make it shut up, but it didn't heed just continued to sing. Will lay back and sang "Popular " to drown off the terrible screeching (in his opinion)

Soon, the song ended and Will relaxed.

"Finally!" he sighed, but then the song started up again.

And this time Sarah Brightman sung it!

"No!" Will cried, falling to his knees, tears streaming down his face.

Then, much like Jack, he passed out cold. Where I again found him later. But, instead of offering comfort, he was unceremoniously flung out the window.

**Elizabeth**

Elizabeth wandered into my room looking for Will.

"How odd" she muttered, "I swear I could smell Will's perfume…"

Suddenly, seemingly on cue, the device lit up in the dark room. Elizabeth flicked on the light.

"How odd" she repeated, picking up the device.

She turned it over and few time before putting the earplugs in her ear. The device made a series of beeps, its maniacal way of laughing.

Then a song began to play, Elizabeth paused.

"Every day more wicked!"

Who were they talking about?  
"Every day, the terror grows!"

Elizabeth cocked her head to the side.  
All of Oz is ever on alert!

Oh no, she thought, not the Oz incident she hadn't meant to make that stupid brick road yellow it was Jack'!  
"That's the way with Wicked – "

Wicked was a strong word  
"Spreading fear where ever she goes"

Fear?  
"Seeking out new victims she can hurt!"

"It was an accident," Elizabeth shouted, throwing the device down.

The device giggled, but Elizabeth didn't hear over her shouted. It changed songs.

At first there was this guy talking to someone, and then the music truly started.

" Start me up, Start me up I'll never stop. I have been running hot?)"

Elizabeth stared at the sadistic machine in confusion, what was this music!  
She threw it against the wall, it being invincible, bounced back and hit her in the forehead.

But, she had managed for it to switch songs. There was this noise, as if forwarding through part of the song then, it came on.

"I see a little silhouette of a man. Scaramouche, Scaramouche will you do the fandango. Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me."  
What kind of freak fest was this?  
"Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Galileo Galileo figaro-magnifico"

Elizabeth hit the machine, but it continued on.  
"But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me  
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-  
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-  
Bismillah! No-, we will not let you go-let him go-  
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go  
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go  
Will not let you go-let me go  
Will not let you go let me go  
No,no,no,no,no,no,no."

Elizabeth had had enough! She attempted to pull the ear plugs from her ears, but the thing wasn't finished with her yet. It changed it's method of torture.

"Evey day the terror grows" sang the Mp3

"No!" howled Elizabeth, now this was pain The OZ thing had gone way out of control.

She hit her head against the wall, in a feeble attempt to end the anguish, but the demonic machine continued once again, flipping through its torture tools.

"Poplar your gong to be popluar ."

Elizabeth shrieked it was that Kristin girl that Will adored so much. She fell upon my bed, retching.

The Mp3 giggled again, imagine the sound of a furby. It flashed red as it went though the song choices again, going in for the kill. It fast forwarded to get to the perfect part.

"Something bad is happening in Oz" sang a man.

Elizabeth shrieked at the little device, "It was an accident!"

"Something bad happening in Oz?"

Elizabeth passed out from, maybe all the screaming and later joined her husband in the bushes.

**Pintel and Ragetti**

Pintel and Ragetti wander into my room, heatedly discussing who was hotter: Orlando Blume or Johnny Depp.

As usual, the Mp3 saw its victims and lit up its screen to get their attention.

"Oh, pretty light!" Ragetti crooned, picking up the Mp3 and cradling it, "Pintel can we keep it?"

The iPod was outraged at this behavior, it was no pet! It was a sadistic torture device!

"Let's see what it has to say" Pintel replied, picking up one of the earplugs and handing the other to Ragetti.

The Mp3 was set off now, it pulled out its worst torture devices.

" We are the pirates who don't do anyrhing we just stay and lie around and if you ask us if we do anything we'll just tell you. We don't do anything.

Pintel and Ragetti didn't know what this thing was getting at so they continued to listen.

" Well I never plucked a rooster and I not to good at Ping-Pong

"What's going on" Pintel asked Ragetii and thus began to cry.

The iPod cursed, it was too much too soon it decided to go easier on them.

"I am a sentimental man"

"Me too!" squealed Ragetti .

"Who always longed to be a father"

Pintel glanced Ragetti seriously, "I'VE always longed to be a father!"  
"That's why I do the best I can. To treat each citizen of Oz as a son or daughter!"

"What?" Pintel was losing it now, what was this guy talking about?  
"So Elphaba, I'd like to raise you high!"

Ragetti looked over at Pintel and muttered, "Not that Elphaba business again, It was all the Captain's doing. "'Cuz I think everyone deserves…"

Ragetti didn't want to hear anymore about his Captain's ex-girlfriend so he banged the device until it made beeping noises and was silent for a moment.

"And even in ypur case though it is the toughest case I yet to face don't worry I am determined to succeed fallow my lead. And yes indeed you will be popular you are going to be popular I teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys little ways to flirt and bounce I 'll

Pintel and Ragetti smiled, this sounded familiar, the Mp3 laughed they would be getting it soon.

Kristin went on with singing Popular.

Pintel and Ragetti smiled happily at each other, skipping around to the beat of the song and knocking over various items in the room.

The Mp3 was fuming, that was it! No more Mister Nice Mp3. The device, forged by Satan himself, whirred and clicked.

Then…it came on.

"No one mourns the wicked no one cries they wont be missed no lays a levy on their grave!"

At the mention of…this…this...cruel act against nature Pintel and Ragetti went into hysterics, clutching at each other until they fainted onto my bed. Of course, when I walked in later I was disgusted. I didn't know what to do with them. Elizabeth and Will were STILL in the bushes and Jack was currently occupying the closet occasionally informing me that he was going to be even more popular, Glinda told him so. So, I dragged their two apparently lifeless bodies out said And my two dogs Dory and Chester went after their bodies and I can not say for what happened next because my dogs are the sweetest dogs in the world and they never shown a bad side until now.

**Jack…again**

**I couldn't resist! It's not my best, but, oh well!**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Jack or songs….yadda yadda**

Me: Jack, really come out of the closet. My Mp3 is charging, so basically it is in a hibernation state.

Jack: I don't believe you!

Me: It's harmless really, it…it…doesn't know how to make friends!

Jack: I had to listen to a good witch tell me I'm going to be popular for hours, I think I have a right to be doubtful of that…that…thing because I am already popular!

Me: Jack you'll hurt its feelings (cuddles Mp3)

Jack: Are you sure it's safe?

Me: (look at Mp3) Yes

Jack (comes out of closet) that's a relief-ahhhh!

The Mp3, smelling Jack's fear wrenched itself from it cord and sprung at him, ear plugs first. The earplugs lodged themselves in Jack's ear, nothing was pulling them out.

"I will break into your thoughts"

"Never" screamed Jack.  
"With what's written on my heart"

"What!" cried Jack, unsure of what the Mp3 meant.  
"I will break, break" the last word the Mp3 screamed, Jack joined in.

"HELP ME!" he cried, trying to pull the thing from his ears.

"Quiet down!" I said, fearing my parents would come in and check up on me.

Jack flung the Mp3 to the ground, but it didn't break only paused and whirred.

"Jack be careful that thing is expensive!" I sighed, hoping the little thing wasn't injured.

Then I could hear it from the Mp3, The James Bond Theme. The guitar blared loudly over the earplug and Jack threw himself helplessly to the floor, attack the Mp3.

I couldn't resist, I danced a bit the theme song. It's so good! Yeah I am a spy.

Then it changed Songs.

" One day while talking to Dr. Archibald Larry told him of his greatest fear. If my lips left my mouth packed the bags and headed south that be to bad I might get mad. If my lips said Adios I don't like you I think your grouse that be to bad I call my dad. (For all you Veggie tale lovers)

Jack looked at me like I was crazy

"Why is this on you…Mp3" he asked slowly.

I shrugged, "I love Veggie Tales"

The song ended and Jack looked at me like I was crazy we wondered what was going to happen next.

"Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle" said the Mp3 sweetly.

"IT'S HER! She blamed me to what happened with Elfie or what ever her name was" cried Jack I looked to the screen.

"It's just 'What is the Feeling?'" I didn't understand his pain.

"IT'S THE POPULAR GIRL!"

"Oh, Kristin Chenoweth rocks!" I said, jumping up and down.

"Just get this thing off of me" he mumbled into the carpet.

"Fine" I bent down but was repelled by the Mp3s mysterious powers!

The Mp3 changed it method of torture I heard it giggle! I screamed and flew to hide under the covers of my bed.

I recognized the song.

"Oh, No" I muttered, it was the song my brother had put on my Mp3.

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine because your mine I walk the line"

Jack looked up slowly from the carpet, "What is the meaning of this?" he growled.

My head poked up from under the covers, "My brother…" I trailed off.

"Help Me," he said pitifully.

I have to admit, I felt bad. I had to try reasoning with the Mp3.

"Mp3, come on, Jack doesn't want to play right now!" I said softly.

The Mp3 growled menacingly.

"Come on, let him go!" I said more fervently.

It changed songs I dreaded what came next.

"And even in your case though it is the toughest case I yet to face."

Jack convulsed, "I'm sorry, it was a long night! And there was so much Rum passed around! It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

Then the Mp3 flashed and I knew it was going in for the kill.

"Jack, hold on I'm sure I can…"

"Popular I know about Popular I''?"

I gasped as Jack passed out ending is torment.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" I jumped up and hopped on my bed, singing along with it.

I heard a loud knocking at my door, then my dad's deep voice," Stop making so much noise I'm trying to watch the game!"

I heard footsteps stomping down the hall. I pulled the Mp3 from Jack's ears and plugged it back in, giving it a kiss.

Then, I dragged Jack back into the closet and prayed my many shoes wouldn't spear him.

I opened the door to my room and skipped off, wondering if I listen to Wicked

**Barbossa **

Barbossa stumbles into my room after having an ordeal with my vicious cat.

"You-a stay away-a from my Apple!" he shouts for the "safety" of my room.

He notices sometime glowing on my bed and being curious he approaches it.

"What-a is this?" He asks aloud, as the Mp3 scrolls through the list of songs on its own.

Barbosa carefully puts the earplugs in His ears, waiting for the thing to reveal what it is.

"Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back  
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl!" the Mp3 declared.

Barbossa was furious, "I am not a girl" He demanded of the Mp3.

The Mp3 did not answer, merely beeped and flashed its light on a bit to blind the Pirate.

"Shut up!" He shouted, banging the Mp3 down the floor.

The Mp3 changed songs.

"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep the ends for the tide that binds because your mine I walk the line."

These words made little sense to Barbossa but, He smiled assuming they had paid Him a compliment

"I hear the train coming it is rolling round the bend and I haven't seen the sunshine since I don't when but I am stuck in Folsom Prison."

"I am not stuck in a prison'! Barbossa declared, the mp3 did not listen.

"Good news she is dead !"

Barobba let out an outraged scream! "I an not a girl!" Carlotta skipped the song "You cannot quit-a on Barbossa !" he shouted at the black rectangle of doom.

The Mp3let out a menacing chuckle, but he obviously did not hear it though His screaming. It changed songs.

"Go and hunt her! And find her! And kill her!" shouted the angry mob.

Barbossa, being vain, automatically assumed they were talking about Him. "You-a cannot kill-a Barbossa !"  
"Good fortune, Witch Hunters!"

"I am no witch!" He screamed at the little block of horror.  
"Go and hunt her! And find her! And kill her!" shouted the same angry mob.  
"I already tell-a you! You-a cannot kill- Me!"  
"Kill the Witch!"

"I am no witch!" Barbossa was raging down, His face as red.  
"Wickedness must be punished  
Evil effectively eliminated  
Wickedness must be punished  
Kill the Witch!"

"Barbossa is no witch!" He yelled again, getting lightheaded from the screaming He was doing.

The Mp3 clicked, changing it's method of torture (I know I kinda already did the next song! But come on! It's Barbossa!)

"What is this feeling so sudden and new?"

"Love?" supplied Barboosa.

"I felt the moment I laid eyes on you! My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling, my face is flushing! What is this feeling!"

"Love!" said Barbossa louder.

"Fervent as a flame, does it have a name! Yes-ah-ah-s!"

"Love!" Barbossa shouted again.

"Loathing!" shouted theMp3 back, "Unadulterated loathing!'

Barbossa shrieked it outrage.

"For you face!'

"My-a face?" questioned Barbossa, this was impossible!

"Your voice!" the Mp3 replied.

"My angel voice?"

"Your clothing!"

"My clothing!" repeated Barbossa , looking down on at his pirate clothes.

"Let's just say, I loathe it all!"

Barbossa was on the edge, the Mp3 knew this with its evil powers, and it went in for the kill.

"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!"

"No!" shriek Barbossa, falling onto my bed.  
"Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!  
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.  
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go,  
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.  
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.  
Let them know  
The Wicked Witch is dead!"

With "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" playing Barbossa fainted. He was thrown out my bathroom window; I think he landed on top of the monster machine outside. I gave to doggies to my dog-loving friend. You see I don't believe in animal abuse.

**Anamaria**

Anamaria, walked into my room still mad at Jack for taking her boat.

"Oh, where is that Jack Sparrow" she muttered as she entered my room.

The Mp3, whiffing its next victim shone its light.

"Oh pretty colors" Ana crooned, even though there was obviously only one color.

"I wonder what this does!" she exclaimed at she put the earplugs in her ears.

The Mp3 mused; this wasn't going to be easy.

"Wanna go for a ride?" asked the iPod  
Meg nodded her little head, but some other girl answered.  
"Sure, Ken!"  
Meg cursed.  
"Well, forget it!"

Ana was suddenly glad she had not taken up on that offer.  
"I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl  
Sad I have it, I should bag it  
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair  
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation"

Ana knew it was obviously talk about Elizabeth; it had no affect on her whatsoever.

The Mp3 was furious, time to take out the big guns. It made a flurry of beeping noises as it fast forwarded.

"Nobody likes you; everyone left you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you having' fun  
(where'd you go?)  
Everyone left you; nobody likes you  
(where'd you go?)  
They're all out without you having' fun!" cried the iPod.

Ana listened with a distant curiosity, wondering why the little rectangle had such issues.

The Mp3 was angry, why wasn't this one cracking? The Mp3 didn't know what to do next, the girl was so emotionless that it was pitiful. It tried on last thing.

"Bravi, bravi, bravissimi . . .  
Where in the world have you been hiding?  
Really, you were perfect!  
I only wish I knew your secret!  
Who is this new tutor?"

Ana hopped upon the bed, jumping up and down. She knew this song! She fell upon the bed and giggled for no apparent reason.

The Mp3 gave up on its torment and the screen faded to black. It was impossible to crack this one. Or maybe it was just low on batteries, I mean after all it didn't get fully charged…

Ana it the little black object and began crying. Jack, knowing that the Mp3was dead leapt of my closet with "The Grimmerie" (it's a Wicked thing) and smashed her on the head

with it. Then, not even waiting for me to get home and have a jolly old time throwing her out the window.

**Jack: I am sorry**

Ignore. Anyway, here is the state of things.

IMp3tting charged

Jack went back to his closet; I can hear him talking about Kristin

Will -In the bush, maybe he'll wake up soon

Elizabeth-unknown

Barbossa

-I think the monster dogs ate Him

Pintel and Ragetti-RIP, the dogs awoke…moment of silence

I lay on my bed casually typing on my laptop while listening to Wicked on my Mp3 nearly jump out of my skin when my closet door starts moving on its own, every horror movie evil human devouring thing running though my mind. Oh, then I remember JUST Jack

**Jack: Hey**

Anyway, he had FINALLY decided to get over the fact that an Mp3 attacked him twice, forcing him to listen to Kristin Chenoweth's "Popular" and a variety of the other artists that lie dormant in my Mp3

"Oh, its you" I mutter, busily clacking away at my laptop.

"Yes, only me" he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

There is a long drawn out silence.

"Are you still mad about the Ana thing?"

No response.

"Oh come on, I didn't want to leave her there! She might have woken up!" he defended himself.

I rolled my eyes and CONTINUED typing away.

"I can see you are listening to that sadistic machine" he said, giving the mp3wary look.

"Yes," I said, stoking the Mp3, "I am."

Jack continued to eye to mp3… "Do you think it's still…um…wants to torture me?" asked Jack.

"I doubt listening to Kristin Chenoweth is considered torture!"

Jack muttered something sounding to me like "going to kill that thing."

"Excuse me?" I asked, getting a little apprehensive…what was Jack planning?

Then, suddenly Jack through himself through the air aiming for the Mp3

I thankfully managed to roll away with my laptop (otherwise this wouldn't even be here)

"Jack What are you doing Jack put the Mp3 down.

Erik was making as if to strange the Mp3, this is when I figured he had finally cracked.

"Must…kill…witch!" he screamed, very unlike him.

"JackGlinda is NOT in there! It's music! Nothing more! jack! No don't throw it!"

Jack threw the little thing across the room, but as I mentioned before this particular Mp3

is indestructible, so it bounced to the floor without injury.

Then I heard it, it was my own doing. I had been listening to "Dancing Through Life" but it was now over. And any of you Wicked Fans know what song comes after "Dancing Though Life". Popular. The Mp3

had turned itself up to the loudest it could possibly get so that it could be clearly heard throughout the room.

As Glinda began to sing her little "bubble gum pop" song it had quite the effect on Jack

opposite of what it usually did. Instead of being reduced to a blubbering mass his eyes glinted red, the "Kill Bill" song came from an unknown source.

"Jack, no!" I said, throwing myself upon the Mp3

trying to muffle the sound of Glinda, "it's not the Mp3! I was Jack no! Put the Sword

down! You cannot strange an…Jack!"  
At this point I was lifted off the Mp3

and thrown (quite forcefully) upon my bed.

Jackwas leaning over the Mp3

The Sword abandoned, in favor for a wooden chair.

"I'LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER POISE WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS!" screamed the Mp3

"I. DO.NOT.WHAT.TO.KNOW.THE.PROPER…"Jack started to hiss through his teeth, but he never finished. The Mp3

, being the most intellectually intelligent of anyone in the room, wrapped its earplug cord around Erik's legs causing him to trip.

" Jack swore and he fell to the ground, the Mp3an inch from his nose.

The Mp3 Slapped him on the cheek before unraveling its cord and lying motionless on the ground.

Jack slowly got up, walked into the closet, and shut the door.

I shr**_FINALE!_**

Ahh…it's been a pleasant week; the Mp3

has been in a happy hibernation. Jack has even come out of the closet once or twice to watch Pirates

with me. The Mp3 has actually been busy absorbing new songs, mostly that of KJ-Five Two

. I finally figured out where Elizabeth had run off to, apparently she had gone off to buy some magic dark purple eye shadow.

I was throwing a random Pirate party (as all loyal friends do!)

I dragged Will

and Ana from the bushes, saved Barbossa from the evil monster Dogs, and of course gotten Erik to come out of the closet. As for Pintel And Raetti They…um…couldn't make it.

Will, Ana, and Barbossa were still passed out on the bed; Jack and Elizabeth were as FAR apart as possible so they could eye each other warily. Some things will never change, I suppose. Even Gibbs and Norrington Showed up.

I walked into the room with my dusty CDs, I think bringing out the Mp3 would be a little too soon for some of them especially Erik.

I flipped through the CDs, finally deciding on KJ Five Two, my new obsession. As I put the CD in I noticed Barbosa starting to stir.

"What-a happened?" he cried as she sat up, holding a hand to his forehead.

Jack glared at him, "Her Mp3 tortured you!"

They both glared pointedly at me, I threw my arms in the air, "Come on, it wasn't my fault!"

I ignored them and tried to listen to "Cartoon Network", but there was a blood curdling scream. I spun around looking for the source of the noise. There was Ana, woken up, and she was pointing to a smack cup of Hershey's Kissables.

"Those are my FAVORITE" she squealed, rushing over to the candies.

Jack raised an eyebrow as she cuddled the little bowl, "My precious!"

We pretty much ignored her after she started throwing the candies in the air and yelling the color out before catching them in her mouth. The sad thing was that she was saying the wrong colors. Yep, that's our Ana.

Everyone's eyes went to Will who was still snoring loudly and occasionally twitching and mumbling, "Kristin, Kristin."

"Well," I said awkwardly, this really wasn't going as planned, "How's about we go watch Pirates Of The Caribbean!"

Everyone cheered except for Jack, but we ignored him (as usual) and ran out to the TV. As the movie opened with the Big boat scene, Jack walked in sulkily.

"What is it?" I whispered as he sat beside me.

"I don't like this movie."

"Why not?" I snorted, "You're in it!"

"So! They made me be with Elizabeth at that Island That would never happen in real life!" he cried, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, but we all know _that"_ I said, rolling my eyes at Jack, "Or does this really have to do with the Mp3?"

jack attempted to look incredulous; I shook my head at him and turned my sights back on the TV where Little Elizabeth had just begun to sing.

My younger Brother (YES I KNOW YOU READ THIS!) walked down the stairs and gave us a funny look.

"Err…um…hi" he said before running frantically to his room, after all he thinks all my friends are weird and that no body likes me. Oh, and on top of that he thinks all musicals are old and stupid..

Suddenly, a loud thump from my room broke my thoughts. Nobody moved, something was making its way down the hall. OH no! There it stood with those nifty little Mp3 speakers so everyone could hear the music. I gasped, everyone else screamed. I stopped and ran away like the hero I was, screaming.

"AH KILLER Mp3!" I yelled as music began to play.

(Here you are Chicago fans, just for you!)

"Pop. Six. Squish. Uh-uh. Cicero. Lipshitz!"

Everyone scattered as the some mumbling came on and the chorus grew louder.

"He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there! If you'd have seen it! I betcha you would have done the same!"

Everyone stared in horror as the 'merry murderesses' sung their parts.

"It's going to murder us, that song is a sure sign!" Will came screaming from my room belatedly, his face was painted a strange yellow color.

"Will , why is your face yellow?" Elizabeth cried in alarm.

"That THING" Will squeaked, playing with his hair for comfort.

The Mp3 could do ANYTHING!

Finally the Cellblock Tango came to a close, everyone waited anxiously for the next song. And of course, we all know what the song was. Let's say it together now, 1…2…3… "Popular."

Jack's eyes quite literally turned a murderous red as Glinda's sugar sweet voice came on.

"Kill everything!" he muttered, grabbing a very 'viscous' looking green pillow and being to pound Barbossa with it.

"You-a stop-a now Sparrow!" Barbossa screeched.

"Jack get off Barbossa !" Elizabeth called, grabbing Jack's coat and yanking causing him to fall backward. Norrington and Gibbs looked at every one and began to join in on killing the mp3

"Kill-e!" he cried, grabbing a little wooden cat i collects.

He attacked Elizaberth with much threatening mews and growls. We all knew Jack had finally cracked.

"Jack!" I had had quite enough, "that is…Jack!"

Now he had begun pounding ME with the cat crying, "I AM NOT GOING TO BE POPULAR since I all ready am!"

So here's the state of things. Honestly, picture this. I'm getting beat up by Jack with a evil wooden cat, Lizzy is yanking on his cloak, Barbossa is crying on the floor, Will is curled up in a corner muttering something about keeping his hair safe, and Ana is still eating Kissables. Gibbs and Norrie were trying to get Jack off me And on top of all of that, Glinda is singing her sweet little heart out on top of her lungs.

Then, my father walks in. He surveys us for a moment, not seeming fazed that a man dressed in pirate clothes is beating his own daughter with a wooden cat, a Man in an old fashioned Pirate clothes is yanking on his coat, a Pirate with a big hat is sobbing on the floor, a full grown man is whimpering in a corner, and Ana is now choking on a stupid Kissable.

No, no he does not care that Popular is blasting out of the speakers I magically obtained no, not at all. Here's what he says:

"Lydia , you and your friends take this back to your room I have to use the CD player."

We all stop and stare, even Ana stops choking for a moment.

No, no my father's glacial gaze does not waver for a moment. "NOW!"

The iMp3 goes dead, Jack slowly gets off me, and everyone trudges back to my room in silence,.

_**FIN**_

Wow, yeah I'm done! (You can only stretch this kind of thing out for so long!)

Okay CREDITS:

_(Shows in video camera style)_

**Me**: Jack!

_(Jack walks in and glowers at the camera)_

**Me**: Come on Jack! Do it!

**Jack**: No!

**Me**: _(Pout-y tone) _Plwease?

**Jack**: _(rolls eyes) _FINE! _( I am Captain Jack Sparrow Savy)_

**Me**: YAY!

_(Scattered applause is heard) _

**Me**: Now, Lizzy!

**Liz**: 'ello _(Flashes beautiful smile complete with little sparkle)_

_(Uproarious applause from gentleman in the crowd)_

**Me**: Brilliant, Will!

**Raoul**: Hello _( tosses his sword in the air ) _

**Me**: Oh no, someone get him off stage.

_(One or two people clap)_

**Me**: Fine, now presenting Barbossa!

**Barbossa**: ello, ello! _(Tell me what has become of my ship)_

**Me:** Ow Barbossa! Off stage! Now Ana!

**Ana**_: (facing wrong direction) _Hi! _(Waves frantically)_

**Me**: Um, Ana ? Never mind. Now the great and wonderful me!

_(Room is completely silent)_

**Me**: Fine, be that way. NOW the star of the show the Mp3!

_(The crowd gives standing ovation as the Mp3 bows)_

A little credit runs up:

In (cough) loving memory of Pintel and Ragetti You will be…missed.

I picked up the Mp3, and turned it off. It had had enough fun for one night.


End file.
